Bonovox

What is it?  Why would I write about it?

1999 was a hard year for the Barberg tribe.  I was having a conflict at work over the department's handling of a internal issue, that they went to the media with, causing my reputation to be drug through the mud.  Hannah was born in January, and we moved from Buffalo to Niagara Falls in February.  (these are of course "good things," but stressful things.)  Colin our first born, broke his leg in March, when Grandma fell on him as they were entering church for a Liturgy of the Presanctified gifts.  He was in the hospital for four days, and was in a body cast for a month!  A horrible thing for parents to go through...he seemed to take it in stride!

But even after all that, and during all that, we felt the calm assuring presence of God.  And yes, joy.  I remember one day driving around with Kelley (she wasn't "Shamassey" yet.).  We were just enjoying each other, and the children in the back seat.  We were thanking God for how good He was too us, and expressing wonder, that He had not departed from us, even during these tough times.  The thought then occurred to me.  "Will you still praise me, even if you are called upon to struggle?"  I expressed this to my wife, and she said she felt the same way.  We had been in the process of leaving behind the theology of ease that we had acquired.  That God only wants "good" things for you.  (and of course good things meant superficial things, like ease and comfort and material posessions)  As neophyte Orthodox, we had been discovering, that the way of salvation, was the way of the Cross.  When we looked at the world and at history, we realized, that the lot of humankind, was suffering.  We realized this too awaited us at some point.  Was the servant greater then the Master?  Would we still praise God, when it was our turn?  We prayed that God would indeed make it so.

I believe that God was preparing us.  COlin turned two in July, and was back to walking and everything that a normal two year old did....the leg was healing fine.  But his eye seemed to bother him.  At first we just assumed it was bloodshot, because a busy two your old poked it somehow.  Or he got dirt or something in it.  But it persisted, and he had a mild fever.  So, we took him to the Pediatrician.    Well, because of the fever, and because a 2 year old won't sit still for the doc to get a good look at him, he was just diagnosed with a virus of some sort.    But the fevers subsided (probably was a virus), but his eye got worse.  Not just blood shot, the iris seemed to be changing color.  So a week later, back to the peds.

A different doctor this time.  She DID get a good look at his eye, and ran from the room.  We heard her in the next room on the phone.  She came back in the room, and said there is some sort of problem, so we need to see a specialist.  It was late on a Friday afternoon, and we needed to rush to the clinic at Children's hospital before they closed, they would wait for us.  I thought to myself, what could be so important that couldn't wait until Monday?  I began thinking, "O no, he's got cataracts or something."  I knew nothing about eyes...I was in for an education.

We got there, and sure enough the place was a ghost town...it was about 5PM.  Only the receptionist, and the doctor were there, waiting for us.  The doctor was young, mid-twenties.  I will never forget the look on his face, after he took one look in Colin's eye.  I bet he never had to break news like that before.

"I have bad news....I hate to tell you.  Your son has cancer."

At this point, Kelley shrieks, and begins sobbing.  I feel as if I am going to faint, or throw up, but know I need to be strong.

"So Doctor, what does this mean?"

"I really hope I am wrong on this.  But, I am not wrong.  Your son has advanced retinoblastoma; cancer of the retina.  We will schedule a CAT scan for Mon., see what it says, and probably schedule him for surgery on Tuesday, to have the eye 'enucleated;' removed."

TO BE CONTINUED.  Besides getting to be a long post, its kind of hard to write about!  I have to get a paper towel and clean the tears off my keyboard...

Pt. II